Be the Person You Want to Be—Always

It’s easy to act one way when you know eyes are on you, especially in the world we live in today. There’s the “social media version” of ourselves, the “work version,” and even the “friends and family version.” But what about the version of you when no one is watching? Have you ever caught yourself leaning into behavior you knew was petty, negative, or simply not who you want to be—just because no one else was around to judge?

If you wouldn’t want your role model, boss, or loved ones to see how you’re behaving behind closed doors, then it’s a clear sign your actions aren’t in line with the person you truly want to be. So how do we shift this?

Here’s a guide to becoming your authentic self, all the time, in every situation:

1. **Define Who You Want to Be**

Before you can align your actions, you need to know who you are aiming to become. What are your values? What characteristics do you admire in others that you want to embody? Write these down. The first step in this journey is clarity.

2. **Create Personal Guidelines**

Once you know the type of person you want to be, it’s time to set some ground rules for yourself. These are your non-negotiables. Examples could be:

- Always approach situations with kindness, even when frustrated.

- Respond to challenges with calm, not anger.

- Be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.

These rules will guide your actions, no matter who is watching—or not watching.

3. **Check Yourself in Private**

It’s in those private moments where the real work happens. When you find yourself acting in ways that don’t align with your personal guidelines, stop and ask: “If someone I respect was watching, would I behave this way?” If the answer is no, take a moment to reflect and adjust your actions.

4. **Handling Difficult People**

Some people will test you, especially those who thrive on manipulation or negativity. You’ll often have three options in these tough situations:

- **Option 1:** Don’t engage at all. Sometimes silence is your strongest response. Not everyone deserves your energy.

- **Option 2:** Approach them with kindness. This takes strength, but be cautious—angry and bitter people often seek to drag others down with them. Guard your peace and be mindful not to let their toxicity affect your mental well-being.

- **Option 3:** Be direct, blunt, and set clear boundaries. When you have no choice but to engage with these individuals, lay down very specific guidelines and expectations. Make sure there are no blurred lines about what is acceptable behavior. This isn’t about being rude, but about protecting yourself and creating a healthy environment for interaction.

When navigating these situations, it's important to consider what will protect your peace the most. Choose whichever option aligns best with your values and keeps you in control of your emotional and mental stability.

5. **Practice Self-Awareness**

Self-awareness is key. Regularly ask yourself if your actions, thoughts, and words reflect who you want to be. Over time, this will become a habit, and you’ll naturally start behaving more authentically.

6. **Be Consistent**

Authenticity means consistency. It’s not about being perfect but about striving to show up as your true self in every situation. Let who you are behind closed doors match who you are in front of others. This will help build a strong foundation of self-trust and integrity.

7. **Give Yourself Grace**

Growth isn’t linear, and you may slip up along the way. What matters most is how you respond. Instead of beating yourself up, recognize your behavior, understand why it happened, and commit to doing better next time.

Becoming the person you want to be isn’t just about who you are on social media or at work—it’s about the choices you make in private when no one is watching. Show up for yourself with the same energy you show others, and over time, you’ll find yourself naturally living out the values you admire.